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✨ Good morning! Today is Wednesday, August 28, 2019, and if you don’t own stock in Costco, you should probably get some.
BULLETIN: A WINTER WONDERLAND
• The Background
Game of Thrones may be over, but winter is definitely still coming. We’re sorry to burst your summer bubbles, but Canadians are being warned to prepare for a “polar coaster,” after the Farmers’ Almanac released its bitter outlook for the upcoming winter season. The latest edition of the 203-year-old publication reveals a future that is all parts frigid and frosty for Canadians coast to coast. (Sn’Oh, Canada.) CTV News
• What Else You Need to Know
The report predicts areas from east of the Rockies to Quebec and the Maritimes will be the hardest hit by the cold conditions, and the Prairie provinces into the Great Lakes will be downright frigid. (We’re talkin’ -40°C!) Ontario is predicted to bear the brunt of cold blasts, extreme fluctuations, and intense bursts of heavy snow. Lucky for those on the West Coast, B.C. and Alberta are forecasted to have milder, if not near-normal temperatures. But they’re not getting off scot-free: January looks stormy for the entire country. The editor of Farmers’ Almanac says “we expect another wild ride this winter.”
• What’s Next?
The scariest part is that this type of winter weather could be the new normal for Canada. (Better bundle up.)
• Boris’ Brexit
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has asked Queen Elizabeth to suspend Parliament mere days after it returns from summer break next week, a move some Parliamentarians suggested was designed to minimize the amount of time lawmakers have to block a no-deal Brexit before the deadline. Johnson has previously said that Britain will leave the EU with or without a deal on Oct. 31. While he called the allegations “completely untrue,” and said there will be ample time to debate the issue, lawmakers who oppose a no-deal Brexit are outraged. Tom Watson, deputy leader of the opposition Labour Party and shadow Culture Secretary, said the move was “an utterly scandalous affront to our democracy.” BBC
• The Storm’s Surge
While 2019’s hurricane season has been relatively calm thus far, things are likely about to take a drastic turn. Tropical Storm Dorian is spinning towards Puerto Rico, forcing Governor Wanda Vazquez Garced to declare a state of emergency ahead of its arrival. The National Hurricane Center has warned that Dorian will likely escalate to hurricane strength today as it moves past Barbados, and could hit Turks and Caicos, the Bahamas and Florida either late this week or over the weekend. CNN
• U.S.: Pressing Pause
In a win for pro-choice advocates, a federal judge has temporarily blocked new legislation in Missouri, which would ban nearly all abortions after eight weeks of pregnancy. The judge says the law is not to be enforced, and is pending further litigation in court. The ruling comes amid legal challenges by Planned Parenthood and the American Civil Liberties Union, who sued Missouri last month, claiming the new law is unconstitutional. BBC News
• World: Sink or Swim
Indonesia is casually switching its capital from Jakarta to Borneo, since the current capital is sinking into the sea. The move stems from a myriad of environmental, economic and safety concerns, over the sustainability of the polluted, congested and rapidly drowning political centre of Jakarta, which is home to 10 million people. The project to move the capital to the currently jungle-covered island of Borneo will cost roughly $34 billion, and the relocation will take approximately 10 years. CNN
📣 QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Before we talk or accept anything from France…he must withdraw these words.”
– Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, rejects the $20-million offer from the G7 nations, claiming French President Emmanuel Macron called him a liar and questioned Brazil’s sovereignty. Global News
• Keep Your Enemies Close
What’s the most effective way of beating out a business rival? Buy it. WeWork, otherwise known as the We Company, has acquired one of its leading competitors, Spacious. Founded in 2016, the startup transforms restaurants and abandoned retail stores that are empty during the day into co-working spaces. The addition of Spacious to WeWork’s umbrella of co-working locales will make the business even more attractive and readily available to members. Details and terms of the deal were not publicly disclosed. TechCrunch
• Getting Personal
If you’re anything like us, you probably rely on Yelp when making restaurant reservations, booking trips, picking a dry cleaner or choosing a spin studio. Well, you’re about to get even more dependent on the site. Yelp is introducing a brand-new personalization feature, which will allow users to set up individual preferences, including dietary restrictions, accessibility settings, hobbies and lifestyle interests. The company claims it is focused on becoming “a comprehensive personal concierge.” (Sign us up.) The Verge
• Football: Behind the Eight
The revived XFL, which is scheduled to begin its season in February 2020, has announced the eight teams that will be competing this year, including a franchise in Washington called the DC Defenders. The seven other teams include the Tampa Bay Vipers, New York Guardians, Seattle Dragons, Los Angeles Wildcats, Houston Roughnecks, Dallas Renegades and St. Louis BattleHawks (which is the only city that doesn’t currently have an NFL team). The XFL will draft players in October. USA Today
• Heaven on Earth
Book worms and TV bingers, unite. Mitch Albom’s bestselling novel, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, is hitting the small screen. Fox Entertainment and Warner Bros. Television have joined forces, issuing a script-to-series development deal for the project, with Albom taking on the role of writer and executive producer. The series will use characters from the original book, and will explore each person’s unique journey on earth and in heaven. Keith Eisner, former executive producer of The Good Wife and Designated Survivor show-runner will also produce the new project alongside Albom. Deadline
• Poo, Personified
In what is undoubtedly one of the strangest public notices ever, tourists in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park are being warned to watch out for animated animal poop, a.k.a. brown balls rolling across the trails. Further investigation revealed that dung beetles, also known as tumblebugs, are the culprits behind the strange, moving faeces. Apparently, it’s part of their birthing process. A statement by the National Park Service says: “It’s like they always say: when life gives you crap….roll it into a ball, lay an egg inside it, bury it, and use it to nourish your offspring!” Couldn’t have said it better ourselves. Charlotte Observer
• Dream Big
Today marks the 56th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s iconic “I Have a Dream” speech, which got the attention of the nation (and the world) during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom.
⚡️ STRAIGHT TO THE POINT
• In news that’s long overdue, the government in Bangladesh is removing the “virgin” checkbox from its marriage registration form.
• The Court of Appeal for Ontario has ordered a new trial for two men convicted of terrorism charges, after they allegedly plotted to derail a Via Rail passenger train.
• Good news for all your perpetual online shoppers: Google Nest can now detect when packages are dropped off on your porch (but you’ll need a subscription plan to make it work).
• Saturday Night Live is losing one of its biggest stars. Leslie Jones is reportedly flying the coop.
• Dirty Deed
But hey, at least it’s for a good cause.